When my baby was two months old, her father and I split up. It was May 2013. I never wanted to be a single mother. Nobody dreams of being a single mother, or says ‘When I grow up I want to be a single mother’. My idea of a perfect family unit was shattered.
I had started a relationship with my daughter’s dad in December 2011. We had been friends for a couple of years. He was a good man and I felt we could have a good future together. Because we had been friends for a number of years, our relationship escalated quickly and within weeks we were talking about moving to Perth on the other side of the continent, and starting a new life together. Six months later we moved to Perth together. We got new jobs and started talking about having children.
Cracks started appearing during the time we moved to Perth and whilst trying for a baby. He did not want me to spend time with other people without him, and this included my family. Not only was this an early warning sign of his possessive nature, it also showed that he did not have the same family values as I did.
He was also uncomfortable with me socialising with anyone at work. One day he turned up at the pub where my colleagues and I were having drinks with a client who we had just finished a meeting with. He proceeded to yell at me in front of my colleagues and the client. This was not the sort of behaviour I was willing to put up with. He had humiliated me in public, not only as a person, but also as a professional. It was at that point that I realised this was a toxic relationship and I had to leave.
When I discovered I was pregnant a week later I was thrilled but I also panicked. This was not how my life was supposed to be. I was supposed to be in love, the happiest I’ve ever been. However, I was also incredibly happy to be pregnant. It was my dream to become a mother and it felt surreal that now it was coming true. I hoped that we could work out our relationship. We had to, for our baby’s sake. We would have to do whatever it took.
After I told him the news, we decided to try and work it out and began seeing a relationships counsellor. All through the pregnancy we tried to work on our relationship. The problem was that our differences were too great to make us suited as a couple. We had different opinions on family, education, parenting, friendship, travel, life goals, and politics. There was not much we saw eye to eye on. When I was six months pregnant, we broke up again and I moved out. I set up a home for me and my baby. I wished I knew women who were pregnant and single but I didn’t know anyone. I had never felt so alone. A month later I moved back in with him. I was too fixated on how my life should be rather than the reality that we were not good together.
Whilst in a relationship with him, I did anything to keep the peace. I completely lost myself. He thought that by wearing nice clothes and putting make up on for work, I was trying to impress someone (when in actual fact I was just trying to look presentable for work), so I stopped putting effort into my appearance. Talking to my family and friends on the phone resulted in huge arguments, so I stopped calling them. He treated me with constant suspicion and zero trust when I had done nothing to deserve it.
Giving birth to our beautiful daughter in March 2013 was the best day of my life. I got to meet the child that I always longed for. However because of the state of my relationship, it was also tinged with some sadness.
This is a sample of a chapter taken from The Book of Amazing People Phoenix Edition.
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